3 MONTHS rule?

Friday, December 3, 2010 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 3:03 PM
It's been more than 3 months that I have not lived with someone I treated so special who has the commitment to live with me as special to him too. For 3 months, I remain strong and brave to give myself the satisfaction that I alone can give. For 3 months, I have contented myself to live with the care from my parents and true friends. For 3 months, I escape myself from tears, hurt and pain. But that 3 months were not as easy as what other people could think. They may say I were not really affected of losing someone who once became a part of my life and many times became my life.

But the truth is, deep within this fun-loving soul, behind these influencing smiles and laughter, still it is so hard to move on and let go of something you treasured most, something that you never thought that you will lose someday, something that promises to be with you until the end of your days, something that keeps my heart beats extraordinarily.

Even if I try to deny, I try to escape, I try to run away from the truth, still the memories and incidences keep me reminded of how I miss someone. The times that you take care of each other. The times that he made me smile. The times that he made my dry. The times that he made me feel special. And the times that he taught me how to be strong in letting go an important thing in my life to become stronger.

I admit that before, I always have those regrets in my mind of why I tend to decide for many times to let him go. But now, I realized that I should not have regretted a lot. It is that because of letting him go, it made feels so proud of myself now. I made something that I can't believe I can make it. It has been one of my greatest achievement to win over with my disastrous emotions and feelings. To be able to follow my brain and not my heart over love. To advocate what is the right and the good thing to do.

Above everything else, there is this one sure reason that I know why for almost 4 years we still end up separated. God has another plan for me and for him. And I bet, those plans He has for us has not included the each of us in it. :)

A Year from NOW..

Saturday, November 6, 2010 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 8:47 PM

For 5,840 days of existence in this world, I am now 365 days towards something that I am looking forward to. For 5,840 days of experiences, I am only a year away from something I also afraid to happen. For 5,840 days of living, I have only 1 year to prepare myself to face what the world awaits me to be. It seems to be so amazing to imagine how I am able to exist, stay and live in this lovely thing that God had created for already 16 years. For a child whose date of birth and death is the same, how he wishes to live even just for a day. 16 years is more than enough. I may not have everything that I wanted, at least I don't have nothing. For 16years, contentment is one of the best lessons that I learned. Even if I don't have everything, at least I have something. And that something has always been everything to me, my Father, my family, my friends and those who are always there for me.

I just can't still imagine myself on how do I able to surpass all the trials that I have been through. All the blacks, grays and dark that I saw was just a blink and after, i then saw the rainbow and the light with smile and laughter. That in every time I slip, I flip, I fall, I cry, and I almost die, I can still get up, stand up, move on and go on towards my desires. Even at my greatest downfalls, I still strive not to forget about my dreams, my dreams for my family, for my friends and the least for myself. Because I know, without those people, I will not reach this time of life. I may falter, but they keep on reminding me that whatever I do, still the love they have for me will never ever change. I may have been hurt and torn down, yet they hold me to stand up and wipe those tears away. I may have hurt others, but they let me learn from them, and let me know that mistakes are my greatest teachers in life.

From 1 to 16, I learn to be strong, control my emotions, and fight for what I know is right and good. I had learned to accept defeat and strive to succeed. I learned to bend when I have to, and to stand out when I should. I have known also finally, how to let go and move on. It is at 16 that I have challenged to become someone that I wish I will be. And I'm glad, I had my first step towards achieving it. I'm so happy that at 16, I met so many people, extraordinary people who take part of my life and now, who are very special to my heart. At 16, it's good to know how I slowly establish the bond within my family. Many challenges, yet this make my existence become my living. 16 years has come to an end, and I'm looking forward to more things that I will get through and where I can always learn to that awaits me as I prepare myself before that moment, a year from now. :)

You are still the same MAN that I know..

Wednesday, November 25, 2009 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 12:50 AM
You really had never changed, you are still the only MAN I loved so much and no one else I can loved just as I loved you. Your love for your special one, for me, for her, for that little one keeps us of living despite the hard times we have been.

"You are a liar! Yes, you are! You are so selfish, and it is so true!"

And because of being what you are, you try to walled us from pain and difficulties. You keep on strengthening us even at times that we and You is so weak. You're the only man that made me of what I became, I become and will become someday. You provided us with everything that we need, despite of the hardship that you experienced, instead of experiencing them all with us., You taught us to stand on our own, but at times we are far from you, the loneliness we feel is quite that different. Your desire of keeping us together made each of us stronger to hold on each day. I'm so blessed that I have you as what you are in my life. It's amazing to know that despite of the storms that you encountered for us, you are still very thankful for what we have right now. And I guess, that's the spirit. And I'm so glad that I also have it because of you.

With every word you speak, youmade these eyes of mine away from dryness. Not because of hurt asnd pain but of so much happiness becuase i was born for you, and because of you.

I ♥ You PAPA!

I'll promise to still be your little princess through the ages. And you will always be the King in me,

After a DECADE and a HALF .. =)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 12:01 AM
The tough 15 years of my life was really unforgettable. It's when I think that I'm actually growing up. At my early age, innumerable experiences are my indulgence. From easy to difficult, from little to small to big to large, from happy to sad, from sorrow to laughter. I have been through a lot of these experiences which made me of what i am now.

at 1, my father was only the man of my life, and my mother was the only friend I trusted a lot.

at 2, mama and papa were the words I tell everyone.

at 3, it is when I try to choose for myself, yet my parents know what's best for me.

at 4, I started collecting friends who turn my each day to an amazing one.

at 5, learning was inevitable, it is when abc's and 123's play their biggest role in my life.

at 6, my first to a bigger world challenges me a lot.

at 7, it is when I tell to myself that 1 + 1 is always 2 and not 3 or 0 and even 1.

at 8, my life is accompanied with such rhythm and beat of sounds.

at 9, friendship was actually what I treasure most.

at 10, I'd known that life was a battle to fight on, and a journey to move on.

at 11, failures are my finest teachers.

at 12, I begin to search my true identity.

at 13, I've known that my life is actually mine and not of others.

at 14, my heart softens at someone who came along with me in my journey.

at 15, life was never easy, i have to stand to live for my own and for those whom I love. The battle gets tougher and tougher each day and the journey was difficult to move on.

and yet, there is this MAN who guides me throughout a DECADE and a HALF, who planned everything about me and of me, even the single strand of my hair, and the tiniest wound I have.

My life, it is no longer steady, I can never be always 15 for the next years to come. I'm growing old and I'm growing so fast. Everything in my life is changing, and I don't still have the thoughts of what will happen next ..

at 16, ....

Oozing the PAIN was never FUN .. =(

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 11:48 PM
Time of my life, that's what I look for. To have the time where I will succeed and find that true and right someone who would actually hold me high and tight. Someone who would never let me go as they always say, and that someone that can take my breath away. For all these long, tough years, i have been with someone I thought and still hoping to be my forever till my very end, to be my happiness and my future success.

I were still very young since I got fell in love with him. Then, it was never in my mind. and never in him also, that we may took a long run in our relationship. We've been through hard days, difficult weeks and months, and even painful years. Painful it is, loving is soothing in the soul yet slowly breaking you and causing you so much pain. But I tell you, holding on even in times of giving up made us stronger, keep us standing until the next tick of the clock.

Yet, behind that "holding on" are unheard heartbeats asking for help, to hear their helpless sounds. Oozing the pain from the inside was never really fun. Even crying to let the hurt out, was never a remedy. Telling how much hurt you feel was never even a cure. What else can I do? What else can I choose for?

For now, it's about, hearing those unheard heartbeats, wiping those tears of crying feelings, and waiting for the next tick of the clock where I am hoping that we can be happy again, live our lives in our unending success.

Lose no hope for the both of us. Keep holding on and never that giving up. Let every happiness and pain sooth into our souls.

If Only I Can..

Wednesday, September 16, 2009 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 3:01 AM

There are these instances in my life of where my strengths ang weaknesses are both tested. Instances that happen on a very ordinary day that may or may not keep your breath away. I once knew that my family and my friends are my weaknesses, yet they became my strengths at any sorts. But how? How does it goes that way? Whenever, I am given an opportunity to show off myself, I keep thinking that if ever I made the opportunity, my family and friends would be so much happy for me, and also for themselves. In short, they became my genuine inspirations. The treasures that make me more brilliant and even shine more. I'm very glad seeing them smiling with me because of my victory, laughing with me because of my success, celebrating with me because of my triumph. So replenishing, so nourishing, so fulfilling in the soul, especially when you know someone is very cheering for you. Nice feeling, isn't it?

But there are also these times when they became my weaknesses, making me the weakest person compared to a very sickly and depressed man. Those times are tear-falling instances. Some can be controlled, come can't be and just really wanted to show. It is just happiness-lowering scene when i see my friedns especially my family suffering, most if they suffer because of me and for me. With health, with happiness, with bonding and fun, with wealth, with pleasure, with love and care, of all those things, i just hate seeing them all happening, knowing that it is really occurring. Those things made me feel depressed, sad and teary, and even that sorrowful.

For two different situations towards one fate, STRENGTHS of making it through success, WEAKNESSES of suffering of my loved ones that I should suffer instead, and of how I wish I will make it and I can step in those those sufferings, just IF ONLY I CAN.

It wasn't =(

Friday, August 28, 2009 - Posted by Joberlyn Manaois at 1:47 AM

Life wasn't just permanent at all. things always come and go knowingly and unknowingly, expectedly and unexpectedly, even if you like it or dislike it. My. life, my status, my placement, my living, and myself, everything is very different right now. I don't even know where do I really live and where do I really belong. I'm adjusting, yes I am, but it's hard, really hard. I'm getting hard coping up in this world, and accepting that this is reality and I can no longer escape from this reality. It's a mere fact that life is not a matter of choice or options, but life itself depends on one's fate and his way on working of his fate. I'm somehow lucky of still surviving until this 15th year of my life and continuing to survive until my last breath comes. Quite hard, very hard, so hard, living in this world with all the changes happening is never that simple like changing clothes daily. Positively, it's a lot of fun meeting new faces of different places. Interesting, knowing your strengths and weaknesses. Proudly saying, I can survive at all walks of life. Taking risks, long hours of travel, heavy things to carry, waters along the way, add up all the mud and dust, including the smoke and odor. Everything maybe so messy, so dirty, so unpleasing, but I'm on my way of making it. At all cross roads, we will surely make it, in unity, in failure and certainly, in success.